Calming Tactics

11-2016-12-15-17-49-32My head.
In a bad place.
Jumpy. Edgy. Like an engine misfiring.
Out of sync.

I rub my face.
Move my legs.
Arch my back.
Scratch my head,
Trying not to do too much damage.

The stress triggers an asthmatic cough.
I feel sick.


I am at home. Safe.
So I can press my head into a cushion.
Bash my back against the sofa.
Dig my teeth into my thumb.
Flap my hands hard.
Tense my legs repeatedly.

And start to feel a little better.

Meltdown averted.

One thought on “Calming Tactics”

  1. Highly moving, this.
    It reminds me of what my parents called my teenage tantrums. They were more like electric storms. The thing that is most unlike my experience though, is the biting and scratching. I still run my fingers, uncontrollably through my hair when I’m distressed. I don’t mean to diminish your storms by likening them to my teenage experiences, but rather, to let you know it sounds not entirely foreign to me.

    I had a reminder last week when my sister in law insulted me at my dining table. I told her what I thought and then rushed upstairs full of electricity again. I texted my kids! Well, my middle aged offspring. Then I tackled some neglected laundry very energetically and when my bro and SIL said they were going I went down. They then proceeded to put their arms round me to say sorry etc. I froze, they didn’t stop and I ended up unable not to scream somewhat blood curdlingly. I couldn’t find a way to get them to let go until I sat on the kitchen floor. My hands wouldn’t stop yanking through my hair and tears were spurting out of my eyes. When they’d gone I had half of one of my resident cousin’s diazepam. Spent the evening nicely spaced out. Not the same I know, but out of my own control and in a brain pain place I don’t understand.


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