New But Familiar

17-2016-12-11-18-15-00It is so absolutely new, but so deeply familiar.
It scares me, but I find it so comforting.
It makes me so anxious, but I now know real calm.
It utterly confuses me, but it explains my life.
It really frightens me, but totally reassures me.

It leads me to despair, but it gives me new hope.
It makes me so angry, but I understand why.
It makes me feel broken, but it shows my strength.
It gives me so much regret, but finally forgiveness.
It has damaged me, but I can now start to heal.

It has made me exhausted, but now I can rest.
It has destroyed my ambitions, but I was never lazy.
It caused behaviour problems, but I wasn’t a naughty child.
It can cause huge outbursts, but they are not my fault.
It renders me speechless, but I can still type.

It limits some capabilities, but enhances others.
It overwhelms my senses, but it sharpens them.
It causes odd behaviours, but they are beautiful to me.
It makes my mind fuzzy, but also intensely focused.
It means I overdo things, but also that I achieve.

It went unnoticed for so long, but was always there.
It was unseen by medics, but obvious to friends.
It isolates me from others, but now allows me the space I need.
It causes me to struggle socially, but to learn things easily.
It means I’ve had to act, but now I know who I really am.

It has defined my whole life, but I didn’t even know.
It has raised so many issues, but now I can deal with them.
It was something unknown, but it was always my normal.
It means I didn’t ever fit, but now I know why.
It is autism, but it is also me.

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