Go Gently…

76-2017-02-24-13-40-18The message I receive
From those who have been here
Those who have discovered
Late in life
That they are autistic

Is

That this processing will take some time
And will not always be easy.

And I need to go gently.

I am listening to these people
And I am listening well
Because they have been here
And they know
And their neurology is the same
As mine.

I said from the start
Right back in late August 2016
When the autism hypothesis (now accepted)
Was formed…

That this will happen at my pace
In my way
According to my schedule.

And everything I hear
Confirms that.

“A couple of years”
Seems to be about the time
Taken
For full processing.

And,
Of course,
I need to recover from burnout.

I know I need
To stim
A LOT.
A very very lot.
The minute I started to listen properly
To my body
That became obvious.

What I am struggling with
Is how much
I cannot do.

How much
I need to rest.

How much time I need
To spend
Alone.

I have the biggest
FOMO
Ever.

I have pared back my life
But I need to cut even more.

And life continues.
Much of it
Is not optional
And must be dealt with
Appropriately.

My emotions are confused
And unidentifiable.

My functionality is also
Very very poor.

But at least the process
Is now started.

I will emerge.

Eventually.

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