Very Very Tired

Imagine…

You ran a marathon yesterday
Or had a big meeting at work
Or took a difficult exam
Or moved house
Or finished a huge assignment
Or travelled a long long way
Or dealt with a family emergency
Or been to a large all night party

Or something else similar…

These are big things.

You might expect
To be
Very
Very
Tired.

And today you would need to rest.

In my autistic world
I know that if…

I went out of my flat yesterday
Or spoke to several people
Or had to sit still for a while
Or encountered harsh lighting
Or chatted for a few hours
Or had to wear particular clothes
Or sent a few e-mails
Or gone for lunch with friends

Or something else similar…

These would be big things.

I would expect
To be
Very
Very
Tired.

And today I would need to rest.

For years
People have asked me
“Why are you so tired?”
“What have you been doing?”

Until I knew I was autistic
I could only say
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t understand.”

I was just as baffled
As everyone else!

I know now
That
For me
As an autistic person

The cause of this
Utter
Debilitating
Exhaustion

Is simply
Existing.

Existing in a world
Where people communicate
Constantly
By talking.
Instinctive to many
But an effort for me.

Existing in a world
Where the input to my brain
From my senses
Is massive
And overloads my system
Until I can no longer cope.

Existing in a world
Where people sit on chairs
And care about appearances
And follow secret rules
That nobody told me.

It takes a lot of effort!

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2 thoughts on “Very Very Tired”

  1. I can certainly relate to this post, even worse when you have a combo of section 1&2. The expectations of a human being is at times overwhelming, without suffering ASD, OCD & Chronic pain. Sometimes it is impossible, sacrifices are made on a daily basis to keep up.

    Liked by 1 person

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