Also Remember

Sometimes I am too tired
And cannot always
Summon up
The energy
To release
The tension
By moving
Rocking
Bashing.

Sometimes it doesn’t quite work
And the safe strategies
Will tip over
Into less safe ones
And I want to hit my legs
And tear my skin
Because I need more
Than movement alone
And safe bashing
Can provide.

But I must also remember
I have a heavy weighted blanket.
Over eight kilogrammes
Of reassuring pressure
That I can place over me

And when I return
From the third day out in a week
Exhausted,
Unsettled,
Desperate to feel better
Somehow.

I can crawl under my blanket
And feel calmer
And better
Anxiety subsiding
Nausea retreating
The urge to hit myself
Disappearing

And I am still
And calm

Grounded
Reassured.

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