Build-up (Again)

64-2017-02-09-15-17-05

 

As the next assessment looms
I am edgy, tense, anxious.

Yet again, the maelstrom
Swirls in my head.

I am trying to concentrate
On mathematics

But it is very difficult.

(The concentration, not the mathematics)

 

As the next assessment looms
I am trying to prepare

Yet again, my mind
Is full of autism.

I am trying to work out
How to stop it going wrong

Like last time.

(I never want to go through that again)

 

As the next assessment looms
I am filled with doubts.

Yet again, huge worries
Are filling my life.

I am trying not to obsess
And to live normally

Whatever normal even is.

(Old normal gone and new not yet formed)

 

As the next assessment looms
I am hopeful and despairing.

Yet again, the uncertainty
Screwing with my mind.

I am trying to think of this
As just another step in the process

But I really want an ending,

An answer,

A diagnosis.

(Then I can move on with my life)